Garage sale goodie.

I found this little pumpkin costume at a garage sale when I was pregnant with Benjamin. The garage sale sticker said $4 so to make my mama proud I offered to pay $2 for it (yeah, that's right...I'm not ashamed of it either). I whipped out my two bucks and walked away with this little gem. It was just like new, tags and all. Needless to say I was thrilled with the bargain and even more excited when I saw just how cute Ben looked in it. This year we got to bust it out again for Ellie. I'd say it was well worth the two bucks.

Benjamin 2010

Ellie 2012

Ben (2 months old)

Ellie (2 months 10 days)

You look pretty.

Me and my beautiful baby girl.

Me and my beautiful mom.

Just a little something I've been thinking about now that there's a little girl in my life...

It goes without saying that a woman's self-worth should not stem from her outward appearance. But what little girl doesn't want to be told she is pretty? And what woman doesn't want to be told she is beautiful? I think every female, young or old, longs to feel lovely. Inward beauty is, of course, the most valuable kind of beauty a woman can possess. That's the kind of beauty that speaks to the hearts of those she encounters. It's the kind of beauty that encourages, comforts, nurtures and shows love. And it does not fade away. Yet there is something so sweet about hearing the words "You look pretty".

Obviously I'm no super model. I've gone through chunky phases. My skin's never been great. There has certainly always been room for improvement when it comes to my hair (and today is no exception). But throughout my childhood and young adulthood, without placing too much emphasis on outward appearance, my mom and dad made me feel like I was beautiful on the inside and out. For as long as I can remember, my mom and I have had this little exchange on a regular basis.

Mom: "Has anybody said that you look pretty today?"
Me: "Has anybody said that you look pretty today?"
Mom: "You look pretty."
Me: "You look pretty, too."

Even though it was the same every time, the conversation always felt special. In a world where little girls and women of all ages are forced to compare themselves to Photoshopped images of thin, smooth-skinned, silky-haired, well-endowed women, being told she is beautiful just makes a gal feel good.  Even if she fusses and insists that you must be blind to say such a thing, she wants to hear it. She needs to hear it....even if she heard it yesterday. And guess what, girls? We are beautiful. Each of us. In our own way. I don't care if you think your nose is too big, or your eyebrows are too thick, or your hips are too wide, or your chest is too flat, or you hair is too frizzy, or your skin is too wrinkly. You are God's creation and you are beautiful. So if somebody tells you that you are beautiful, or even if they don't, you can wholeheartedly believe that you are.

I hope to do the same thing for Elizabeth that my parents did for me. I want her feel beautiful. I will tell her that she is pretty, lovely, and darling. I will tell her how precious and sweet she is. I pray that she will know what a wonderful creation she is, on the inside and out.

And mom, just in case nobody has said it to you today...You look pretty!

Family Fun Day

We had a much needed family day at a nearby fun farm. The weather was perfect for our outing and the fall colors here in Missouri are beautiful. Jeff and I had a blast watching Benjamin as he explored the farm and tried a few new things. He can be so timid at times and so uninhibited at others. Ellie and I kept each other warm as she slept in her baby wrap the entire time. It was so good to just be together as a family and enjoy having Jeff all to ourselves for the first day in several weeks. Here's what we did...

Climbing and crawling on the playground.

Saying hi to the animals....followed up with a good dose of hand sanitizer.

The giant "jumping pillow". Some kids were really taking off on this huge bouncy pillow, but Benjamin was a little scared to do anything but hold onto Jeff.

Benjamin did not want to jump at all, but as soon as his turn was over he wanted to have another.

My family. Ellie is the stripy bear attached to me.

Loved the fall colors today.

Apple picking.

Benjamin finds a "pretty flower" and gives it a blow.

We could see the city the farm. Ben loves the Arch so he was pretty thrilled to see it today.

"Wagon" ride to the apple orchard and pumpkin patch.

"I get the pumpkin!" Nice try buddy. Maybe in a couple of decades.

My pumpkin.

After spending the morning at the farm we headed back to the city and stopped for lunch at Chick-Fil-A (Oh my goodness, I am totally addicted the their chicken sandwiches and their yummy sauce and can finally understand what my girlfriends from the south have been taking about all of these years). Benjamin gobbled up his lunch and enjoyed a little playtime before we took the kids home for nap time. Now the kids are sleeping, Jeff is working in the yard and I'm off to put together a little dinner. I just love these days when life slows down and we can pause to really enjoy each other.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Ben's fat lip and my little blowout baby.

If you do not care to read about blood, sweat, tears, and other types of bodily functions you should probably stop reading and head back to your Facebook news feed.

If you have the sense of humor of a junior high school kid or have ever had kids, then you may appreciate what I'm about to share.

Last week (or was it the week before?...I have no sense of time in my baby fog) I experienced a 24 hour period of time that was messy. Just plain messy. I can't remember the exact sequence of events, but I think it went something like this.

Ben wet through his nighttime diaper. Changed Ben. Changed the sheets.

A blowout from Ellie. Changed Ellie. Cleaned the clothes.

Benjamin picked his nose as he sat next to me during lunch, declared that he found a "yucky", and proceeded to wipe his boogie on my forearm stating, "Oh thank you, mama, thank you". Wiped my arm. Wiped Ben's nose.

During the same lunch, while burping Ellie, she spit up...down my shirt. Changed clothes.

Benjamin fell and cut his lip. I scooped him up and rocked him as he bled and cried and snotted all over the both of us. Cleaned him up.

Postpartum hot flash as I try to manage comforting Ben while feeding Ellie. Feel like big, sweaty man. Opened the windows.

Ellie had a blowout. Changed Ellie. Cleaned her clothes...and my leg :(

More spit up. More changing.

Oops. Another blowout (no kidding). More changing. More cleaning.

Everybody went to sleep. Ellie slept through the night for the very first time (hurray!) which means that I didn't feed her...for 9 hours. Have you ever woken up in a pool of your own breast milk? I have. Changed my shirt. Changed the sheets.

And so there it is. A 24 hour glimpse into my life. My messy, yet lovely, life.

What's for dinner?

Benjamin, ever the helper, has taken it upon himself to add items to our dinner menu the past several nights. There is only one cabinet in the whole kitchen that is not locked and he knows exactly which one it is....the lazy Susan. He's been digging in there to find the items he needs for his contribution to each meal.

Here is what Ben came up with last night. We were having spaghetti.

Tuna, pesto, tomato soup, enchilada sauce and honey.

Now, who would like to come over for dinner tonight? I will be serving pasta. I'm not sure what Benjamin's plans are yet.

Mythbusters: Dream Baby...possible

Did you know that there are babies who, when placed in their cribs awake, will fall asleep all on their own within a few minutes? And were you aware that there are babies who actually can sleep through the night at 6 weeks of age? I didn't know. I mean I had certainly heard of such babies, but I always thought they were mythological....fabricated to make mothers of babies who didn't sleep through the night (mothers like me) feel inadequate. You see my first baby, Ben, was not a good sleeper. Don't get me wrong. He was a wonderful, sweet, happy baby. He just didn't fall asleep easily and he didn't stay asleep more than a few hours for the first several months of his life. When Benjamin was a baby people would often ask if he was sleeping through the night as if it were some measurement of his character or mine. I would explain that although he was a good baby with a sweet disposition he wasn't a good sleeper. Frequently my confession of having a baby who didn't sleep well to these people was met by claims that their babies slept through the night by 6 weeks. Admittedly I was jealous of their wonder babies and a part of me never fully believed them. If you have a baby that isn't a good sleeper I'm sure you can relate (and if you need some reassurance that you will one day have a child who sleeps read this entry about how A Full Night of Sleep Awaits You).

When our little Elizabeth arrived I was quite sure that I would not get a full night of sleep until she was 6 months old. Based on our experience with our sweet Ben my expectations were very low. My first night in the hospital with Ellie left me worried that Benjamin was a dream sleeper compared to her. I was up with her...forever. Then we went home and I was getting up with her two or three times a night. Better. After a few weeks I was up with her just once a night. Wonderful. And now my little girl will be 7 weeks old tomorrow and has been sleeping through the night for nearly a week. Perfect. That's right. My dream baby started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks! I didn't really believe it was possible, but here we are. And now I know that it wasn't because of anything I was doing wrong that we had trouble getting Ben to sleep. That's just the way things were...and things are not the same with every baby.

So if you're a mama of a baby who keeps you up at night, don't be discouraged. You will eventually get to a good night of rest again. And if you're a mama of a baby who is a fantastic sleeper, try to appreciate what a special gift that is. Not everybody is so lucky.

A full night of sleep awaits you.

I love my son. I really do. Like more than I ever thought possible. He is such a sweet boy, and he was a sweet baby too. Happy and easy-going. But he was a terrible sleeper. Truly. As a baby he would sleep well if he was being help or was moving in a car or a swing (which we did not have). I don't think I can describe the care and finesse with which we had to lay him down in his bassinet or crib so that he wouldn't be disturbed, but it was something akin to practically crawling in there with him not to mention the butt patting, singing, stroking, rocking, nursing that took place before the child would close his eyes. I remember Jeff actually picking up Ben's entire bassinet to rock him to sleep so that we wouldn't have to move him once he fell asleep. And Benjamin never really slept for very long either. He maxed out at about 2 or 3 hours most nights for months. The first time he slept for about 6 hours he was well into his fourth month, but those nights were few and far between. He frequently woke up during the night and would not go back to sleep without going through the whole ritual described above. We were so exhausted. And it never helped when other mamas would claim that their babies slept through the night at 6 weeks old. I would respond to such claims with things like "Oh wow" or "Lucky for you" or "That's great" when in my mind I was really thinking "Well good for you. You must be mother of the year. Would you like a cookie?" Nasty, right? But in my defense, between pregnancy and the baby, I hadn't slept through the night in about a year and I wasn't exactly in the mood to hear about it.

When Ben turned 5 months old, Jeff and I were tired of it, literally, so we asked around for advice from different friends and coworkers and came across a sleep training program called the Sleep Easy Solution. I watched the DVD a few times through and started right away. Lucky for Jeff he was on call the first night. I suppose neither of us got much sleep that night :) By the end of the week, Ben was doing much better. I had weened him from his nighttime feedings and he was falling asleep all on his own within just a few seconds of crying. Whew. Relief. But then he got sick and we had to start all over again. Success again. But then we took a trip and we had to start all over again. Success again. Sick again. Trip. Ahhhhhhh! Even though we struggled through that first year things were markedly better after Ben was about 6 months and the "training" process got easier each time. He can still be a finicky sleeper if we travel or have company or if he is sick, but for the most part he sleeps just fine. In fact, he is in a big boy bed and has done really well. He naps for 2-3 hours a day and sleeps for 11 hours at night. He even stays in his bed until we go get him.

So if you are struggling with a baby who won't sleep well for you, be assured that with time and/or training, you will make it through. There is a full night of sleep awaiting you some day in the future....hopefully the not too distant future.

Benjamin, someday when you are old enough and you happen to be reading this I want you to know that you were a lovely baby. You were sweet and smiley and happy. You didn't sleep all that well, but you were a honey of a baby and I wouldn't have traded you for a lifetime of good sleep. I love you, Ben Ben.

Call it what you will.....

Our new neighbors in St. Louis are so nice. We somehow ended up in a neighborhood filled with retired grandparents. No kidding. Aside from two teenagers at the end of the block, Benjamin and Elizabeth are the only kids on the street. Of course it would be fun to have people our own age or children for the kids to play with nearby, but we don't mind the attention from these grandmas and grandpas either. Ben really likes all of the extra love they give him, especially since his real grandparents live so far away.

About a month ago our next door neighbors had us over for dinner along with two other neighbor couples so that they could all meet my folks who were visiting from out of town. Mom and dad and I headed over there with Ben and Ellie. Jeff was going to meet us there when he got home from work. As always with these neighborly grandmas and grandpas, everybody was so thrilled to see our little youngsters. The neighbors had a table and chairs set up for the adults and Benjamin got his own special tray filled with all kinds of goodies that he doesn't usually get to have at home. There was a little play area set up for Ben too just about 6 feet away from the screen tent where the adults were sitting. Introductions were made as Benjamin passed out smiles and high fives.

After a few minutes at the dinner party, Benjamin began to play in his little area and I had a feeling that I should go check out what was over there just be sure it was safe. A circular tub of water was filled with balls and all kinds of other gadgets and toys. He was using paint brushes to "paint" water on everything. There were ladles and small buckets. Benjamin was thrilled to have a fun space to play in and he was running back and forth to visit with the "grandmas" and "grandpas", nibble on his special tray of food, and play with the water and toys. Everything seemed pretty harmless...except for the big bucket of water. The top of the tub came just above his waist, was approximately 2-3 feet in diameter and was about half filled with water. As I looked at the tub the thought crossed my mind that if Ben leaned over it to reach the toys inside he might flip over the edge and drown. I pictured him going head first into the water....unable to turn himself enough to stand up...all of the adults, sitting in a circle just a few feet away...completely unaware he was in trouble as they carried on conversations about the weather. That's what I saw when I looked at that bucket. Maybe this whole "imagined" scenario seems a little morbid to you or overly cautious, but that is what came to my mind. As soon as I saw this picture in my mind I turned to my mom who was sitting next to me and said, "Will you help me keep on eye on Benjamin with that tub? I'm worried he might tip in and not be able to stand up." Within minutes, literally, I watched as the scene that had just played in my head played out in real life. Ben was reaching for a toy on the opposite side of the tub, leaned over too far, lost his footing and plunged head first into the bin of water. I don't know who saw Benjamin fall in besides me and mom, but I remember calling out for him as I jumped from my seat. His feet were hooked on the edge of the bucket and he couldn't get out of the water. The neighbor nearest Ben snatched him up out of the water. He coughed and sputtered as he worked to get the water out of his body. He looked scared. That made two of us. I grabbed him and gave him a big, big hug feeling so thankful that he was safe.

So what was it? What was it that made me think my son might get into trouble? My gut? Common sense? Intuition? Coincidence? Call it what you will, but I'm calling it the voice of God. There is not a doubt in my mind that God gave me that thought and that He caused me to visualize Benjamin drowning silently in that small tub of water. It was the voice of God that spoke to me that night. His voice that put me on alert. His voice that rescued my son. 

Hey buddy!

Generally speaking, Benjamin and I have a pretty good time together each day. We go for walks, bake, color, play cars, and read among other fun activities. But he's stuck with me all day most days, and I suppose I'm a little boring in comparison to his daddy...especially when I'm trying to get things done around the house that he can't help with like washing dishes or cleaning the bathrooms. So when Jeff comes home from work it can easily be the highlight of Ben's day (and mine). I just love watching the way Ben lights up the moment he realizes that his dad is home. Osa and I get pretty excited to see him too. The scene when Jeff pulls up in the driveway or comes through the door after work regularly includes some kind of happy dance or jumping as well as shouting of some kind about daddy's arrival followed by immediate demands to play chase or cars or something along those lines.

Jeff was on call the other night and Benjamin hadn't seen him for about 44 hours by the time he woke up from his nap so as you can imagine he was really happy to see daddy was home....a little less happy to see that daddy was holding Ellie. When Benjamin saw Jeff rocking Ellie he climbed up onto the recliner and said, "Mama hold the baby Ellie". Apparently he is still not real fond of sharing us with his little sister.

Once I took Ellie from Jeff, Benjamin was happy to have a little guy time. They played chase, catch, cars, and trains.

When Jeff went to go mow the yard Ben was quite determined to watch his daddy almost the entire time. Both he and Osa kept watch as Jeff drove back and forth on the neighbor's riding lawn mower. I heard Ben saying "Hey buddy!" every time his daddy took a pass by the window which is the very thing Jeff always says to Benjamin.

The rest of the evening was filled with father and son time and all sorts of fun. We are so blessed to have such a great father (and husband)!