"Don't worry, babe. You'll always be the
biggest loser in my book." These are the words that came from my loving husband's mouth after I commented that I could have been The Biggest Loser. We still laugh over that comment almost every time we watch the show. If you are alarmed that a husband would utter those words to his wife, don't be!
I loved it!
Five years ago I was a very different person. Of course some things about me have always been the same, but I wasn't really happy. I didn't feel good about who I was. I didn't value myself. I shut people out before they could shut me out. I worked really hard to be funny so that people would like me in spite of the way that I looked. In general I was
sad and felt
alone. Why you ask (or maybe you're not asking...just wondering how you got suckered into reading this)? Because I was fat. Seriously. Fat.
It's interesting to think back to what people said to me about my physical state at that time. I remember hearing that I was big boned, curvy, or "not that big".
But really, I was big. I've seen pictures. I weighed over 230 pounds and was prehypertensive with blood pressure hovering around 135/95. But there was no need for numbers when it came to knowing that I wasn't a healthy 26 year old woman.
Have you ever seen an overweight, unhealthy person climbing a flight of stairs? It's painful to watch. Now
imagine being the
overweight, unhealthy person climbing a flight of stairs. Your breathing is labored. You are using the handrail, but not for balance. You're trying to give yourself a little help with each step, pulling on the railing to hoist yourself along. Now picture yourself at the top. You feel the need to stop so you can catch your breath, but there are other people around. Not just other people, but people about your age who have probably run 5 miles already that day.
Embarrassment sets in once you remember what you've let yourself become. This all seems very dramatic I'm sure, but these are the thoughts that ran through my head five years ago as I climbed up a flight of stairs at my local college.
Really there was a series of events that lead to my decision to change my life. There were fat pictures, the episode with the stairs described above, the high blood pressure reading, going to the store and trying to squeeze my plus-size body into size 18 pants when really I was a size 20, and the breaking point....the scale. All of these things happened within a matter of weeks, but it was the scale that finally said to me, "Sarah, it's time to make a change." I remember stepping on the scale and it read over 230 pounds. What a shock. I mean I knew I was heavy, but that was a big number. With that number I was officially the heaviest person in my family. Much heavier than my brother. Much heavier than my dad. Heavier than everybody.
I had to do something.
That night I was looking through the grocery ad trying to save a little money, and I saw that Lean Cuisines were on sale. I thought maybe I should give them a try to see if it would make a difference. So I went out and stocked up on the frozen meals. For the last two months of the school year I ate a Lean Cuisine and a light yogurt for lunch every day. That's it. That's all I did. I didn't exercise or eat differently at any other time of the day and by the end of the school year I lost 10 pounds. Then I had some real
motivation and more importantly I had
hope.
If I could lose 10 pounds by making a simple change in my eating I figured I could lose even more weight if I changed a few more of my eating habits. It was the beginning of summer vacation and I made a goal with a girlfriend to lose 15 pounds by the time the school year started up again. I began to watch the amount of food I was eating at each meal and the amount of desserts I was consuming throughout the day (and it was a lot, believe me). By the end of the summer I had shed my 15 pounds by decreasing my food portions to a "normal" amount and by cutting out several desserts a day. I still
enjoyed my food and ate the type of food that I wanted, just a lot less of it.
School started up again and I was down 25 pounds. People who hadn't seen me over the summer noticed that I had lost weight and it
felt so good. But shortly after I became discouraged because I wasn't losing any more weight. I was still over 200 pounds so I knew I wasn't done and I knew what I had to do if I wanted to be successful....
exercise. A coworker of mine (a cute, little athletic marathon runner of all people) invited me to join her gym. She said it was small and the people there were great to work with. Of course my first thought was that the last place I wanted to go as an overweight woman was a gym with cute little athletic marathon runners jumping around in their cute little outfits. She assured me that people weren't like that there and that I should just visit and see what I thought, so I did and I then I joined. And then I really changed my life.
To start my fitness journey off I had lots of measurements taken and a trainer gave me advice for exercising. For my first workout I hopped on an elliptical and was completely exhausted and out of breath after 20 minutes, but soon my endurance increased and I started feeling my body change. About year of working out passed and I lost an additional 35 pounds for a total of 60 pounds. By this time my goal was in sight and I was starting to feel like a different person. My initial goal was to be able to fit into my prom dress (a size 13/14). I thought once I got to that point I would definitely be done with my weight loss because I could remember being a size 10 through most of high school and I was happy with that size. I kept plugging away and started going to group fitness classes like aerobics and my beloved SPIN classes. The weight continued to come off slowly but surely and I suddenly had the urge to train my body to be able to run a mile without stopping. By this time I considered myself to be fairly fit and in shape, but running wasn't something that I could do, nor did I really want to. I just wanted to
prove to myself that I could do it if I tried. I began working my way up to being able to run a mile steady without stopping. Then I got the bug. Soon I was running for 3 miles without stopping and I felt like I had really accomplished something.
I thought I would be satisfied with my new abilities, and I was until I met my husband. Anybody who knows me well knows that I am competitive which is why when I discovered that my new boyfriend was running 6 miles during his workouts I just had to
take it up a notch. After about 2 months I had gone from not being able to run one mile without stopping to running 6 miles. When coworker heard about my new love for running she suggested I run the Fargo 1/2 marathon which was three months away. My first thought was there was no way I could run 13.1 miles at once, but she urged me to consider it. For the next three months I trained and ran the 1/2 marathon in 1 hour 52 minutes. Through the process of training which included running, spinning and weight lifting I lost and additional 30 lbs.
After running the 1/2 marathon my weight loss totaled 90 pounds and my prom dress still didn't fit, but this time for a great reason. It was too big! After over 3 years of lifestyle changes I was the same size I had been in junior high and I had lost more weight than I ever dreamed was possible. But my struggle with weight didn't end by reaching a
magical weight or size. I like to say that I was still a fat girl trapped inside of a skinny girl's body. I was dealing with the personal and emotional side of my journey even after the weight was gone. The process of repairing my self image has actually been the most difficult part of it all. Dealing with my own thoughts about myself along with disapproval from others who think that I "went too far" with the weight loss or exercise has been trying. My weight and size are something that I think about almost every day. I have to work hard to keep my view of myself and my body in check and to remember that my value is not wrapped up in numbers or what other people think of me. Some very dear friends have been a great
support for me. My husband, Jeff, was especially helpful, encouraging, and supportive. But the most important part of understanding my real worth has come from knowing that I am valued and cherished by my
Creator, no matter what my numbers are.
I have written all of this to say to anybody out there that needs to hear it..."
If I can do it,
you can do it." Each person has their own battles to deal with, and this was one of mine. Maybe it's a struggle for you too, but you can overcome it. If I could give you any advice it would be this: Ask for help, advice, and support. Take small steps. Make changes that are realistic. Find what motivates you (food journals, group fitness classes, a trainer, etc.). Do it for you. Just see what happens. If you give it an honest effort I think you'll be surprised how powerful you can be in changing your
life.
Thanks for listening.
I love sweets. Chocolate is my weakness, but I can enjoy pretty much any sweet under the sun (which is probably why I can't seem to lose the rest of this "baby" weight). There are a few seasonal goodies that I cannot resist and it upsets me when their season has passed knowing that I'll have to wait an entire year before I can enjoy them again. Seriously, I get emotional about my sweets. You can ask my husband who made the mistake of taking my last bite of dessert once. Most of my favorite goodies can be made anytime of year, but some are limited to our short summers. One such dessert: rhubarb cobbler. I don't know what exactly happens to me each summer, but it has something to do with rhubarb and sugar and the oven. I turn into this rhubarb hungry monster. I've actually caught myself coveting my neighbors humongous rhubarb plants. I'm pretty sure she caught me too because each summer she has brought over a big bag of rhubarb for me. Love her for that! When we moved into our house we discovered two rhubarb plants that were fair in size. Typically I can harvest 8-10 cups of rhubarb from them, which you would think is plenty for our small family. But if you had ever tasted my grandma's recipes for rhubarb cake and cobbler, you would know that there can never be enough rhubarb. So thanks to my sweet neighbor across the street who shares and doesn't judge me for coveting her plants. Don't worry...I brought her some rhubarb cobbler. I'd bring you some too if you would share your rhubarb with me, but you haven't.
I'm getting ready for a garage sale this week. In the past I've just boxed things up and dropped them off at Goodwill periodically. A box of books here, a box of clothes there. But this year I've come to the conclusion that we need to really clean house and scale down. Our closets are ridiculous. I'm going through closets and boxes and cupboards and anyplace else I can think to look sifting and sorting through childhood toys, teaching materials, books and more.
Yesterday I had the camera out and was taking pictures of Benjamin and Osa in the backyard, just enjoying the warm weather and sunshine with my boy and the dog. As we came back into the house I thought it would be fun to see some deer so that I could try to get another picture. Within the hour, there were four deer in the back, so I snatched up my camera and took this picture.
"Ten items or less, right?" These are the first of the very few words spoken to me by the cashier at Target today. No hello, how are you, did you find everything okay? I hadn't counted my items which apparently makes me a reckless customer, but it seemed like I only had about 10 items. To be perfectly honest I was a little preoccupied with the baby on my hip and I went to her line without checking because there was NOBODY around. She was just standing there with nobody in her line. Nobody walking toward her line. Nobody withing 20 feet of her line. Nobody. But apparently my two extra items were enough to push her over the edge and to warrent one of the most unfriendly transactions I have ever experienced. I did get a "thank you", but it felt more like a "thank you, but don't even think pulling a stunt like this again" if you know what I mean. It reminded me of that scene in "You've Got Mail" where Meg Ryan doesn't have any cash for the "cash only" line, only Tom Hanks didn't come to rescue me by charming the cashier. The whole experience was slightly uncomfortable, but highly comical. So thanks to the grouchy cashier for making my day more colorful and giving me a good chuckle.
The other day I decided to treat myself to a new pair of jeans, so I hopped in the car, drove to the mall and marched into the clothing store baby in hand, literally. It was one of those stores where most of the employees probably just got their drivers licenses and the older ones were sophomores in college. Needless to say I felt a little out of place with a baby on my hip and my ripe old age of 32. At any rate I found what I wanted and made my purchase. The young "man" who was helping me looked at my ID and then looked at me almost as if he wasn't sure I was the woman in the picture. I joked, "It's me, but that's before the baby when I had time to fix my hair." He responded, "Yeah, my mom had five kids and she fixed her hair every day." Well good for your mom.
